The temporary job topic came up again today..

Before every break off from school, my family always ask me if I was planning to work (my temporary job) during the few weeks off. Then I would involuntarily happy to say yes. I would ended up working every break throughout the college years. It is a means of earning a little money to support myself. Sometimes I would use the money to buy new clothes, to get a little something on my wish list. 

This topic goes beyond earning some money for subsistence. It always sparks of my memories and resentment toward my parents. I started working at the age of 15. I had a weekend part-time job that I basically supported myself throughout high school. However, I always carried the thought of hating my parents for not letting me having the freedom to do what I want on the weekend, to go out with friends, do more studying on SAT/ACT, and even to sleep in. “Why I was not like my friends, like other kids?” I was not happy with the way my family treated, forcing me to work every weekend and full time during the summer. 

Throughout college years, I would still work during the long breaks. I was always looking forward to go home, to have homecook food, and to see my friends, but dreaded to work. However, that resentment was slowly faded, because being away from home helped me learn to love and appreciate my family even more. Since starting my undergrad at Cal, I met many inspiring people and amazing friends. The college experience has taught me many facets of life, that no one is perfect, there’s always a constant struggle within a person. The only way out is to be happy, to appreciate the things I have and let go of the things I can not control. So the experience helped me understand my parents and appreciate their hard work even more. 

Like today when my mom I could have gone to work for 2-3 weeks before my internship in June. I could earn a little money…. (again, it is always the same lines about money, expenses, make good use of time, etc). I bought the same idea with a happier thought. Rather than having resentment, I thought of positive notes of working, having money to pay for all my expenses, and even better is I taught to manage my own money and learning to be independent at a young age.

But I also became critical of my mom’s words. Making money is not just for my own goods, but to alleviate some of my parents’ burdens. The saddest feeling is when I finally realized about my parents’ long working hours. I come to accept the fact that many people I met along the way also have families who work more than 10 hours a day. The issue is real. My mom only gets 1 day off a week, she leaves at 8am and doesn’t come home until 8pm., sometime even 9pm. That’s more than 12 hours a day. And so is my dad. He leaves at 4am. and gets home at 4pm. everyday. They struggle to make barely the minimum wage marks and afraid to lose their jobs. Their hard work motivates me to work even harder than them. So that one day, I can support not just for myself but my parents, and they would enjoy their day more, relax and take care of their health, their well-being. 

I know I constantly go back and forth between my bitterness memories and determination thoughts. It does bring back the resentment when my mom mentions of working the temporary job. But now, I am learning to comfort myself, to overcome the sorrow. I am glad to have both parents who support me of all times. Their unconditional love and patience for a better live and a bright future. 

Hope to make them proud. 

It’s hard for me to express my thoughts and feeling. I feel constraint by something that is difficult to show it. Indeed, it comes down to the core issue is fear. The fear of not being accepted. People might not look at me the same way nor I will no longer have any friends. 

I don’t always show my emotion. 

"Thư Gửi Nỗi Buồn"

Nội dung của các bức tranh này biểu hiện giống y như tình cảnh của tui bây giờ. Coi như cảm xúc buồn của hụt hẩn và bế tắt cũng được bày tỏ qua những lời của tranh. Và cái message động lực tui hãy vược lên chính mình. 

Tui đã tìm lại được tinh thần phấn đấu cho chính bản thân mình. Cố lên!

Frozen (…love unlocks)

OMGOMG. I love Frozen!!!!! Can’t even express my feeling for this movie.. but let’s try to break down the emotions.

The movie is beautiful and zee cutest Disney love story. Though the storyline definitely put me through an emotional ride. There’s the happy moment and then you realize you might be wrong (mistaken of a someone’s feeling and treatment toward you), so you fall into a darkest state, loneliness starts to engulf you; and thus, you trap yourself into a coldness, bitterness, lost. Perhaps, that is the truth one has to face. 

Nevertheless, this movie carries a very authentic portrayals of today’s generation’s life and experience. The directors and production team took the unconventional path to depict the fantasy and truth of our millennial’s folks’ experience.  

Giving the representation of a person’s optimism, honesty, crude attitude (here.. I mean as truthful, original, hipsters’ behaviors). There are trust and hopeful in a youngster, yet still not comprehend the issue. One will fall and walk the grueling path to realize the truth that one is naive and confront the lesson to stand up again and be stronger. 

Moral of the story… (battery is running low..will continue to write tomorrow)

Getting back on track

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At the beginning of each semester, I always promised to set a goal of blogging daily, if not at least occasionally. It actually had never happened! 

In truth, it is never too late to start. 

Why is blogging such an obligatory matter, you may asked? It is my personal thoughts and experience, which I wish to write them down to express in the most coherent ways and best justified.

But most importantly, there are three reasons that bind the ultimate of blogging.

1. Personal: I tend to have a lot of thoughts and I am always thinking of just every little things. Sometimes, the fear of overthinking will lead to negative thoughts, and I even challenge myself to pause from thinking. Inasmuch as my personal struggle. The adversity of my family’s situation, my confrontation of self-identity, and events that have impacted on my life and shaping of who I am today. I understand that everyone has their struggles, but I believe that each person’s experience is different. My story is unique to me and I should embrace it. For that, I must write. Writing will liberate my thoughts and emotions.

2. The problem here is not just overflowing thoughts, but also the struggle to speak about them. I am known to be a quiet person for those that I am not close to. But worse is I do not express my opinion or ideas even to friends. I am very closed off to myself. I usually do not convey my emotion in conversation, whether with family or friends. This tends to lead to people’s misunderstanding of me. Hence, I wish to fabricate my personal experience through writing and that my readers will understand me better. 

3. Professionalism: Perfectionism requires practices. Here, it is not my desire to perfect my writing, but to improve my writing skill. Writing has always been my worst enemy. I always have writer blocks and I tend to run into issues of errors, i.e grammar, structure, and clarity. So my goal is to develop a strong writing skill. And ultimately, blogging will give me the chance to fabricate my story through creative writing. It will be nice to express my personal experience through a nice creative structure and ideas, so that everyone can enjoy reading them and even finding the little stars as guiding lights of soul searching. 

"In order to have focus, we need space to focus." It is a little time for myself — personal development, as in addition to school and career focus. Now that I am back on track with my little world , I will blog more often in my spare time.

A little positive takeaway:

"To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it." - Kurt Vonnegut